i'm sitting in a restaurant. there are 4 of us. 3 are guys. conversations are attempted, efforts thwarted by exuberance for the sound of one voice. That voice tries, strives to make a joke, share a thought, be included. Inappropriate jokes crash and burn.
Maybe it's a case of too much information too young. The voice, this young voice is so eager to prove it's experience, eloquence, intelligence, "coolness".
And this eager energy serves to isolate it. self-defeating.
It made me so mad. We made a small joke about Hooters, the restaurant, my kind friend who I know and trust made me briefly uncomfortable by staring at my chest. ha ha. He stopped. I think it was quite clear how funny I found it.
New voice decided it was funny, so did it too. I told him to stop. Later he did it again. I told him to stop. He laughed off his rudeness by joking he'd brought the conversation full circle.
Why didn't I tell him how I really felt? That he doesn't know me and actions like those to a basic stranger are rude, offensive, fucking shitty. Dammit. i am so pissed off.
I ached for his social insecurity and stupid people tricks
attempting inclusion through being the life of the party
i resemble something of his attention seeking
and hate that
am i pitiful?
Was i pitiful?
So I couldn't tell him.
that and the being a wimp part.
i can send food back, embarrassing all my friends
but i can't tell you, a stranger who I may never see again, that you made me feel bad
well, now the world knows, stupid insecure guy, that you suck.
thank you internet.
maybe someday i'll tell someone about this blog and then he'll really be sorry.
Afterthought - he just needs to listen more, relax more, look for social cues to follow, have respect for the world he has entered and let them grow to respect him through the experience of him, not through his own opinion of himself. arg. so he doesn't suck. he is just young and needs to learn. Oh, and to not be so obvious about only wanting to meet women. Every woman I know received his business card. I can't think of a man who did.
2 comments:
He left his business card? So sad. And I didn't receive one, probably because I'm a guy.
Also great to see what other people are thinking about a particular situation. I agree that the evening was awkward around him, but I'm trying to be positive and hope he will come to use it as a learning experience.
The realist in me thinks he'll just brush us off as boring and rude and he will continue his bombastic ways in a new town where people will "get him."
Nice blog!
thanks! I hope he grows and learns. Apparently one night at C's Halloween party he told a story where he appeared almost sensitive and human. When asked if he'd present that at N.S. he was shocked anyone would care. So funny how "theatre" was crowding the really good stories out of his head.
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