My Dad just sent me this story from the Rutherford Institute. The author, John W. Whitehead, describes how we are acclimating to a police state, a 1984-esque lifestyle, without even noticing. This change is palatable because we are "saving the children". And as they grow up, accustomed to a lack of privacy, those invasions of privacy will start to seem less, for lack of another word, invasive to us as a popular culture.
It reminds me of a term I heard recently shifting baselines. As we grow to accept new practices, we forget the old, and then one day the world is unrecognizable and not what we want it to be. Am I a conspiracy theorist?
I worry as I get inured to these concepts that used to enrage me. Am I 'growing up' and realizing I need to pick my battles - you can't win them all and you can wear yourself out trying to fight them. Or am I allowing what was once unacceptable to get away with existing and sometimes even thriving, without a peep out of me. How much of my shifting baseline is acceptable?
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Max Caffeine
I had a great experience on my way northward today.
After work I went to lunch and took a walk with Adrien but I was feeling kind of sick and weird. Something will not stop dripping down the back of my throat no matter what i do. I was also tired from kitty cat cavorting in the night and so, irritable from said throat, tossed myself onto my bed, ignoring all the work that needed doing before traveling today.
After a brief nap (10 min? 1 hr? no idea) I got up and proceeded to do what I could to ready myself and my home. Two lights blew out (oh, the poor house-sitter), dishes are not finished (it was dark) but cats were fed, watered and happy. paperwork filled out, and vital things done. The superficial can wait.
After finding my keys, 10 trips packing the car (food? check. kitten? check. bag o stuff? check. computer? check) etc etc....Go to pet store and buy litter, litter pan, and new fancy cat food recommended by pet-sitter. Hurry out...it's time to run thru st-ucks and get on the road. I wanted to leave early. Oh well. Sanity is more important i think.
In the driveway there is no line. i peruse the menu at my leisure, deciding on a large regular coffee as adequate sustenance to make it through the two hour commute tonight.
"Welcome to St-ucks, this is Natalie, what can i get for you tonight?"
hm. i know a natalie. but she's too cool to work at st-ucks. but that voice sounds familiar. So confused I am that I decline milk and sugar. I always use milk and sugar with st-ucks coffee.
Pulling around I am excited to see it is Natalie! The famous and fabulous Natalie of NoShame Fame. And she is excited to see me, too. Her first words are something like, "Wow! It's You! What can I give you for free? Anything you want! Here, have this coffee cake!" And then she sees Max.
You see, Max likes to walk around in the car. It is his "thing". (Well, if a 4 month old kitten can have a "thing", that would be his). Seeing her delight, I jump out of the car, pull out the kitten, and hand him through the st-ucks window (while being respectful of all food handling regulations and sanitation concerns) and Natalie proudly displays him to her co-workers and friends. He handles it with his usual calm, slightly confused and curious demeanor. What a trooper.
Happy, rejuvenated, and thrilled to have had a simple surprise human encounter, I start on my journey.
Oh, but I do make one last stop (i was so BAD) Not only did I go to st-ucks, I drove thru the Christian Chicken place and got a sandwich and a lemonade. I was STARVING and it was right THERE. I am sorry planet, badly raised chickens and people who resent the christian majority, but I had to eat. AND now i have to complement them. The entire drive-thru was completely full - thats F.U.L.L. and it took about 2 minutes to wait, order, pay and leave. I got what I wanted, they were nice, it was good. The lettuce was awesome. Totally impressed.
Anyway, then I zoned out to mediocre comedians all the way to c'ville. It was so nice to come in and see mom and dad and chat with them. It's funny though - they really want to talk and keep asking me questions but I am too tired to be informative and entertaining so I finally had to request relief and television. We will talk it all out tomorrow.
Oh. Mr Max made it safe and sound, alternately sleeping on the back of my neck, on my lap, and on a pillow throne in the back seat. He likes to watch cars and trees go by. What a smarty. Traffic was fine. A little heavy but fine.
Now Max has thoroughly inspected my bedroom and (hopefully) can drum up enough fatigue to get us through the night. He will be here thru late tomorrow, early Friday, and then Apple will cat-sit for a day to get her kitty-cat on.
My parents keep the house at 75 degrees and the only blanket I can find is a winter-thick comforter. Here's hoping I don't sweat away to nothing throughout the night!
Monday, November 19, 2007
i'm so excited
i planned a small sedate brunch at mom and dad's the day after thanksgiving to have a small group gathering with friends to celebrate my birthday with them.
Not a birthday party. Certainly not a ploy for gifts (no gifts, please)
and so many folks have contacted me who i haven't seen or heard from in so long, this is turning into quite a wonderfully interesting group. i didn't even think that folks might be visiting from places far and away. yay!
hopefully ma and pa won't mind too much - I think it'll top 10 people -
and so many
from so many
different parts of my life. old and now.
how very nice.
so far i have spoken to :
matt, nikki, kate, tay, c-dog (s/he's a secret), annaB, andrew, apple, jeremy, mom, pop, me...a nice gathering...
you come too?
*******************************************************************
Follow-up:
We ate, we talked, we watched movie, we sat around, we talked, we bonded, we advised, we thought, we laughed, we did what friends do. It was the best.
Not a birthday party. Certainly not a ploy for gifts (no gifts, please)
and so many folks have contacted me who i haven't seen or heard from in so long, this is turning into quite a wonderfully interesting group. i didn't even think that folks might be visiting from places far and away. yay!
hopefully ma and pa won't mind too much - I think it'll top 10 people -
and so many
from so many
different parts of my life. old and now.
how very nice.
so far i have spoken to :
matt, nikki, kate, tay, c-dog (s/he's a secret), annaB, andrew, apple, jeremy, mom, pop, me...a nice gathering...
you come too?
*******************************************************************
Follow-up:
We ate, we talked, we watched movie, we sat around, we talked, we bonded, we advised, we thought, we laughed, we did what friends do. It was the best.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
?
i feel like i've been sold a bill of goods.
i feel like i bought into a myth and it's destruction, or rather, my growing awareness that it is a myth, it frightening and depressing me.
what i thought being "grown" "up" is, isn't. there is no "grown" "up"
it is a process that begins when you aren't looking. i don't know if it ends. if i someday will feel "all grown up"
i
keep expecting things to happen that will not happen. then when they don't, i blame or doubt or question myself. when it. is. all. a. myth.
the good guys don't always win
you don't figure out what you want out of life and get it
there aren't always happy endings
instead it's a gradual process of gaining and losing
sometimes you win. you do something and even impress yourself
other times you feel a failure - when the thing you thought you'd have you just don't have.
i feel like it's my fault i don't have 2.2 kids, a dog and a significant other.
on some levels, i don't care - well, i don't care that i don't match everyone else. i know it's ok to be different and i am happy being the odd one out of many things.
what i don't like is, when the lonliness does hit, i feel like being alone means i failed.
i did something wrong.
i don't think i did anything wrong - made too many mistakes. but i feel like i did.
is there some process we are supposed to go thru? some obstacle course or slalom run where once it is completed we are fully realized, fully ourselves?
of course not. there's no plan i was designed to follow. there isn't really a right choice in any decision. what's right is what's right for me. right?
the thing that has be depressed is that it hit me tonight how transient things are. how no matter how happy you are right now, how perfect this moment in time or life things are, they will change. those friends who you love and and fascinated by and can't get enough of will someday leave you, or you will leave them.
they will marry, they will move, some slight will occur or an accidental incident will damage the trust, sometimes these things end badly, other times well - and the "friendship" will last over distances of geography and time, but
even if it lasts, it won't be the same. monthly calls vs daily chats, weekly emails instead of weekly potlucks. the sentiment is there, but the intensity, the real intimacy, can't exist anymore. and new connections must be made, the cycle repeated.
as i have said many times when contemplating the possibility of love, one's heart can't be pliable and open to these emotions forever. how many times can that intimacy be created, only to be lost? like lovers, like friends. how many times?
yeah, i know....have a more positive attitude. things will be better. you just feel down right now. Sure, i feel down right now, but it seems pretty honest to me that this is what happens and it does deserve mourning. These great relationships, both friend and lover, are born, flourish and fade. Yes it can be exciting to cultivate new friendships. but it can also be exhausting. how many times should you exhaust yourself and how do you know who to do it for?
well, 40 minutes until the end of my 34th birthday. an insignificant number on many levels. not ending in 5 or 0,
that number makes me feel really ensconced in the age that i age. ripening into it. really, really in my 30's. 1 year from 50% reduction in fertility. highly likely that if i marry it will not end in divorce, at least compared to a 24 year old, i am 5% more likely to get breast cancer than i was ten years ago, and many other stats i can't find now bc i am tired.
nite
i feel like i bought into a myth and it's destruction, or rather, my growing awareness that it is a myth, it frightening and depressing me.
what i thought being "grown" "up" is, isn't. there is no "grown" "up"
it is a process that begins when you aren't looking. i don't know if it ends. if i someday will feel "all grown up"
i
keep expecting things to happen that will not happen. then when they don't, i blame or doubt or question myself. when it. is. all. a. myth.
the good guys don't always win
you don't figure out what you want out of life and get it
there aren't always happy endings
instead it's a gradual process of gaining and losing
sometimes you win. you do something and even impress yourself
other times you feel a failure - when the thing you thought you'd have you just don't have.
i feel like it's my fault i don't have 2.2 kids, a dog and a significant other.
on some levels, i don't care - well, i don't care that i don't match everyone else. i know it's ok to be different and i am happy being the odd one out of many things.
what i don't like is, when the lonliness does hit, i feel like being alone means i failed.
i did something wrong.
i don't think i did anything wrong - made too many mistakes. but i feel like i did.
is there some process we are supposed to go thru? some obstacle course or slalom run where once it is completed we are fully realized, fully ourselves?
of course not. there's no plan i was designed to follow. there isn't really a right choice in any decision. what's right is what's right for me. right?
the thing that has be depressed is that it hit me tonight how transient things are. how no matter how happy you are right now, how perfect this moment in time or life things are, they will change. those friends who you love and and fascinated by and can't get enough of will someday leave you, or you will leave them.
they will marry, they will move, some slight will occur or an accidental incident will damage the trust, sometimes these things end badly, other times well - and the "friendship" will last over distances of geography and time, but
even if it lasts, it won't be the same. monthly calls vs daily chats, weekly emails instead of weekly potlucks. the sentiment is there, but the intensity, the real intimacy, can't exist anymore. and new connections must be made, the cycle repeated.
as i have said many times when contemplating the possibility of love, one's heart can't be pliable and open to these emotions forever. how many times can that intimacy be created, only to be lost? like lovers, like friends. how many times?
yeah, i know....have a more positive attitude. things will be better. you just feel down right now. Sure, i feel down right now, but it seems pretty honest to me that this is what happens and it does deserve mourning. These great relationships, both friend and lover, are born, flourish and fade. Yes it can be exciting to cultivate new friendships. but it can also be exhausting. how many times should you exhaust yourself and how do you know who to do it for?
well, 40 minutes until the end of my 34th birthday. an insignificant number on many levels. not ending in 5 or 0,
that number makes me feel really ensconced in the age that i age. ripening into it. really, really in my 30's. 1 year from 50% reduction in fertility. highly likely that if i marry it will not end in divorce, at least compared to a 24 year old, i am 5% more likely to get breast cancer than i was ten years ago, and many other stats i can't find now bc i am tired.
nite
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
lovely afternoon
well, this week has been going quite well. i was sick on monday so rested and was mentally fresh for the (short) week. wouldn't it be nice to be able to do that more often?
anyway, i left my school a little early today for a meeting across town at another school. i couldn't believe it though, when that faculty meeting was over for the day, i knew that MY faculty meeting was just beginning across town. wow. we really do work later than most teachers. no wonder i feel so tired at the end of the day.
so, with my extra hour, i hurried home, put on sneakers & assorted ugly exercise wear, and actually ran down my street. (never have i done such a thing. it must have been the amazing weather coupled with the extra time euphoria) i jogged (very, very slowly) to the ymca.
the y is this place i pay to exist. every once in a while i go to make sure my money is going to an actual place. but i wouldn't say i utilize my gym membership effectively. it's definitely a nice place to pay to exist, but some of the bibly-stuff does bug me.
well, i went in and signed in on the computer (great charting of fitness progress - token fitpoint economy, i live for external evaluations) I hit "print" b/c it had been so long i wanted to see a printout of my routine - luckily the computer remembers it for you but i do still like the paper.
After i logged my jog into the computer, and my yoga class from last monday - the screen Lit UP. Fireworks went off! Balloons floated. By jogging here. Oh, the positive feedback that jog earned simply by being the last thing i did before this exciting moment. I just got to the NEXT LEVEL of fitpoints! (by next i mean first.) i got to the first level and man i was pleased.
it was cool. the machine celebrated me. i felt proud. (i told you i like the token economy, yes i am a sucker) The lady waiting to use the computer was not impressed however. well, sorry blue-level or whatever you are. after my digital party, i ran through a few lower body exercises, switched to upper when the lower machines were full and generally worked out some muscles. i even stretched out the ones that needed it before i left the gym.
i finished, logged the workout, and walked proudly out the door. without pausing i broke into a steady jog. it felt nice. even my crappy lungs seeking more air than i could provide felt good. i jogged all the way home, not walking even a step. i felt mighty.
ok. so here i was wearing these old brown pants that i like to sleep in, have painted in, and now have worked out in. An old-school green Tandem tshirt with the tree on in. black sneakers. and my hair was in 2 ponytails. the hottest kid on the block, i know.
so, why did some ass beep his horn at me? and even better, he was stopped at a light. i could have (and probably should have) gone over and asked him if he'd ever gotten a positive response from that kind of behavior. but all he'd be is happy that he got attention.
Instead I jogged another half-block or so, remarking to a passing pair of women that "men suck" to which one replied, "you just figured that out?". Retrospectively, they may not have known what i was referring to. After this exchange I was full of righteous indignation (ri) and, far enough away for the driver to not hear me, and i turned and postured angrily with a what-the-fuck expression on my face. man. I sure showed him. he didn't turn his car around and come back.
the ri fueled me right back to my porch where i even stretched out all muscles that needed stretching, showered, and went to my friend's for a lovely home-made split pea and ham soup dinner.
Then A and i went to see a bad play. it's too fresh a wound to write about now. Perhaps A has a comment or two to share on that sore subject.
home again after fruitless commentary to performer, couch time, kitten time (he is so sweet) and now, at long lateness, bedtime.
anyway, i left my school a little early today for a meeting across town at another school. i couldn't believe it though, when that faculty meeting was over for the day, i knew that MY faculty meeting was just beginning across town. wow. we really do work later than most teachers. no wonder i feel so tired at the end of the day.
so, with my extra hour, i hurried home, put on sneakers & assorted ugly exercise wear, and actually ran down my street. (never have i done such a thing. it must have been the amazing weather coupled with the extra time euphoria) i jogged (very, very slowly) to the ymca.
the y is this place i pay to exist. every once in a while i go to make sure my money is going to an actual place. but i wouldn't say i utilize my gym membership effectively. it's definitely a nice place to pay to exist, but some of the bibly-stuff does bug me.
well, i went in and signed in on the computer (great charting of fitness progress - token fitpoint economy, i live for external evaluations) I hit "print" b/c it had been so long i wanted to see a printout of my routine - luckily the computer remembers it for you but i do still like the paper.
After i logged my jog into the computer, and my yoga class from last monday - the screen Lit UP. Fireworks went off! Balloons floated. By jogging here. Oh, the positive feedback that jog earned simply by being the last thing i did before this exciting moment. I just got to the NEXT LEVEL of fitpoints! (by next i mean first.) i got to the first level and man i was pleased.
it was cool. the machine celebrated me. i felt proud. (i told you i like the token economy, yes i am a sucker) The lady waiting to use the computer was not impressed however. well, sorry blue-level or whatever you are. after my digital party, i ran through a few lower body exercises, switched to upper when the lower machines were full and generally worked out some muscles. i even stretched out the ones that needed it before i left the gym.
i finished, logged the workout, and walked proudly out the door. without pausing i broke into a steady jog. it felt nice. even my crappy lungs seeking more air than i could provide felt good. i jogged all the way home, not walking even a step. i felt mighty.
ok. so here i was wearing these old brown pants that i like to sleep in, have painted in, and now have worked out in. An old-school green Tandem tshirt with the tree on in. black sneakers. and my hair was in 2 ponytails. the hottest kid on the block, i know.
so, why did some ass beep his horn at me? and even better, he was stopped at a light. i could have (and probably should have) gone over and asked him if he'd ever gotten a positive response from that kind of behavior. but all he'd be is happy that he got attention.
Instead I jogged another half-block or so, remarking to a passing pair of women that "men suck" to which one replied, "you just figured that out?". Retrospectively, they may not have known what i was referring to. After this exchange I was full of righteous indignation (ri) and, far enough away for the driver to not hear me, and i turned and postured angrily with a what-the-fuck expression on my face. man. I sure showed him. he didn't turn his car around and come back.
the ri fueled me right back to my porch where i even stretched out all muscles that needed stretching, showered, and went to my friend's for a lovely home-made split pea and ham soup dinner.
Then A and i went to see a bad play. it's too fresh a wound to write about now. Perhaps A has a comment or two to share on that sore subject.
home again after fruitless commentary to performer, couch time, kitten time (he is so sweet) and now, at long lateness, bedtime.
dispointment
weekend bliss,
i have been talking to folks about the Steve Keene exhibit since I found the card advertising it on the counter at mill mountain coffee in downtown roanoke. i couldn't wait to see his work b/c i was sad i never bought something when i saw him in philly. how happy i was when i found 3 of his cville paintings in the basement of a house i rented - i can see then now from my spot on my couch. i wanted to talk to him about the backdrop of a play he painted back in the 90's. a backdrop i still have (well, have access to).
i decided to go on the last day - the last day he was an artist in residence - because i work during the week and i figured he'd need a little time in the area to make some good work using local images.
his paintings from 1992 that i have, well, none of them are local imagery but when he was onsite in philly he painted local images so i have reason to think he'll do a few - the star, that biscuit tin sign on a wall on church street - anything really. just want to have some roanoke sk for my wall.
so the card says in BIG letters
(but I knew they were trying to trick me with the large font so i read further:
centered below information about an artist lecture and the opening reception (i have no interest in art gatherings) I saw this:
i have been talking to folks about the Steve Keene exhibit since I found the card advertising it on the counter at mill mountain coffee in downtown roanoke. i couldn't wait to see his work b/c i was sad i never bought something when i saw him in philly. how happy i was when i found 3 of his cville paintings in the basement of a house i rented - i can see then now from my spot on my couch. i wanted to talk to him about the backdrop of a play he painted back in the 90's. a backdrop i still have (well, have access to).
i decided to go on the last day - the last day he was an artist in residence - because i work during the week and i figured he'd need a little time in the area to make some good work using local images.
his paintings from 1992 that i have, well, none of them are local imagery but when he was onsite in philly he painted local images so i have reason to think he'll do a few - the star, that biscuit tin sign on a wall on church street - anything really. just want to have some roanoke sk for my wall.
so the card says in BIG letters
Olin Gallery
October 26-November 16, 2007
(but I knew they were trying to trick me with the large font so i read further:
centered below information about an artist lecture and the opening reception (i have no interest in art gatherings) I saw this:
*Artist in Residence October 26-November 10*
Steve Keene will be painting onsite during his residency at Roanoke College.
*Extended Gallery Hours: 10-5 pm everyday including weekends*
(oh, the top line is also underlined, but I don't know how to make an underline on this blog)
So imagine my surprise when I get to the gallery at a few minutes after noon on Saturday the 10th of November to find it dark. After chatting with the 3 people I had brought with me and the 4 who were already there waiting (2 "grownups", 2 students), one of the waiting students went to find someone to unlock the gallery.
Security showed up and told us it didn't open until 1, couldn't we see the info on the door of the gallery? Huh? Saturday the 10th is a weekend within the dates the show runs. I checked a poster in the hall. Nope, I'm not crazy.
Well so, ok, for some reason they aren't following the info on the card. That's cool. But now I am nervous. I really want to see the artist in residence, say hello, perhaps grab an iconic painting of this area that he made while in residence, painting onsite, as the card and posters all indicate, and go on my way. Will I get to do this? Bad feeling in my gut.
While waiting for 1 pm we wander over to a building that has an info desk in it. I'm not familiar with the college so don't know the name.
The student at the desk (who tries her hardest despite having a bad cold) has never heard of this show, has no phone numbers to call except the one on the poster i brought over to her (though she doesn't call it since it is the number for Olin Gallery, which we know is closed).
After fruitless conversation, we go back to the gallery. Now unlocked it contains:
1 student who has absolutely NO information about anything
2 giant frames for displaying s.k. work
a big silver box for collecting $
4 teeny tiny paintings
a nice show (ironically, i know most of the folks who's pieces are displayed)
it does not contain an artist in residence.
it does not contain work that reflects any local sights
it does not contain any indication that said artist will return any time soon.
it contains many disappointed gallery-goers. We exchanged stories about how far we had driven. it was a very mini-tragedy, but a tragedy nonetheless.
So - the 3 people i brought with me, the 4 we met in the hall and the 6-8 others we encountered while we were there sadly looked around thoroughly. glumly. bummer-edly. ok, so a couple of them didn't seem to care, but they also didn't know about the show in advance and were just there to see whatever might be going on.
So, mlogan at roanoke dot edu, I send you my tale of woe. Many hopes that it helps you remedy this with future shows, as, alack, there is nothing that can be done about it now.
bp
excville
current r'noker
Steve Keene will be painting onsite during his residency at Roanoke College.
*Extended Gallery Hours: 10-5 pm everyday including weekends*
(oh, the top line is also underlined, but I don't know how to make an underline on this blog)
So imagine my surprise when I get to the gallery at a few minutes after noon on Saturday the 10th of November to find it dark. After chatting with the 3 people I had brought with me and the 4 who were already there waiting (2 "grownups", 2 students), one of the waiting students went to find someone to unlock the gallery.
Security showed up and told us it didn't open until 1, couldn't we see the info on the door of the gallery? Huh? Saturday the 10th is a weekend within the dates the show runs. I checked a poster in the hall. Nope, I'm not crazy.
Well so, ok, for some reason they aren't following the info on the card. That's cool. But now I am nervous. I really want to see the artist in residence, say hello, perhaps grab an iconic painting of this area that he made while in residence, painting onsite, as the card and posters all indicate, and go on my way. Will I get to do this? Bad feeling in my gut.
While waiting for 1 pm we wander over to a building that has an info desk in it. I'm not familiar with the college so don't know the name.
The student at the desk (who tries her hardest despite having a bad cold) has never heard of this show, has no phone numbers to call except the one on the poster i brought over to her (though she doesn't call it since it is the number for Olin Gallery, which we know is closed).
After fruitless conversation, we go back to the gallery. Now unlocked it contains:
1 student who has absolutely NO information about anything
2 giant frames for displaying s.k. work
a big silver box for collecting $
4 teeny tiny paintings
a nice show (ironically, i know most of the folks who's pieces are displayed)
it does not contain an artist in residence.
it does not contain work that reflects any local sights
it does not contain any indication that said artist will return any time soon.
it contains many disappointed gallery-goers. We exchanged stories about how far we had driven. it was a very mini-tragedy, but a tragedy nonetheless.
So - the 3 people i brought with me, the 4 we met in the hall and the 6-8 others we encountered while we were there sadly looked around thoroughly. glumly. bummer-edly. ok, so a couple of them didn't seem to care, but they also didn't know about the show in advance and were just there to see whatever might be going on.
So, mlogan at roanoke dot edu, I send you my tale of woe. Many hopes that it helps you remedy this with future shows, as, alack, there is nothing that can be done about it now.
bp
excville
current r'noker
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Can i really be reading this right?
4 Day Package Tour - Monteverde and Arenal Highlights Costa Rica Vacation Holiday Spend 4 days exploring the beautiful areas of Monteverde and La Fortuna. See amazing cloud forests, waterfalls, nature reserves, local farms, wildlife, volcanoes, hot springs and waterfalls. The tour starts with a pick-up from San Jose by private transport. Forget the worries about public buses and safety. Meet up with the Desafio staff member who will be over- seeing your tour and will give you advice and tips about the area.
Minimum 2 people (Double occupancy): $457 per person - Group rate of $390 per person with four or more people
Dates of trip: We can schedule dates by request.
Included on Trip: All accommodation except in San Jose, all transport, all tours in the itinerary and English speaking
guides.
Not Included: Flights to Costa Rica, hotels in San Jose*, meals, optional tours or transportation to other tours.
WOW, who's coming with me?
Oh - sky auction has a flight for around $280. seriously. who's in? I can wait til summer instead of going over spring break (the last week in march 08) just let me know.
Minimum 2 people (Double occupancy): $457 per person - Group rate of $390 per person with four or more people
Dates of trip: We can schedule dates by request.
Included on Trip: All accommodation except in San Jose, all transport, all tours in the itinerary and English speaking
guides.
Not Included: Flights to Costa Rica, hotels in San Jose*, meals, optional tours or transportation to other tours.
WOW, who's coming with me?
Oh - sky auction has a flight for around $280. seriously. who's in? I can wait til summer instead of going over spring break (the last week in march 08) just let me know.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
a moment
i'm sitting in a restaurant. there are 4 of us. 3 are guys. conversations are attempted, efforts thwarted by exuberance for the sound of one voice. That voice tries, strives to make a joke, share a thought, be included. Inappropriate jokes crash and burn.
Maybe it's a case of too much information too young. The voice, this young voice is so eager to prove it's experience, eloquence, intelligence, "coolness".
And this eager energy serves to isolate it. self-defeating.
It made me so mad. We made a small joke about Hooters, the restaurant, my kind friend who I know and trust made me briefly uncomfortable by staring at my chest. ha ha. He stopped. I think it was quite clear how funny I found it.
New voice decided it was funny, so did it too. I told him to stop. Later he did it again. I told him to stop. He laughed off his rudeness by joking he'd brought the conversation full circle.
Why didn't I tell him how I really felt? That he doesn't know me and actions like those to a basic stranger are rude, offensive, fucking shitty. Dammit. i am so pissed off.
I ached for his social insecurity and stupid people tricks
attempting inclusion through being the life of the party
i resemble something of his attention seeking
and hate that
am i pitiful?
Was i pitiful?
So I couldn't tell him.
that and the being a wimp part.
i can send food back, embarrassing all my friends
but i can't tell you, a stranger who I may never see again, that you made me feel bad
well, now the world knows, stupid insecure guy, that you suck.
thank you internet.
maybe someday i'll tell someone about this blog and then he'll really be sorry.
Afterthought - he just needs to listen more, relax more, look for social cues to follow, have respect for the world he has entered and let them grow to respect him through the experience of him, not through his own opinion of himself. arg. so he doesn't suck. he is just young and needs to learn. Oh, and to not be so obvious about only wanting to meet women. Every woman I know received his business card. I can't think of a man who did.
Maybe it's a case of too much information too young. The voice, this young voice is so eager to prove it's experience, eloquence, intelligence, "coolness".
And this eager energy serves to isolate it. self-defeating.
It made me so mad. We made a small joke about Hooters, the restaurant, my kind friend who I know and trust made me briefly uncomfortable by staring at my chest. ha ha. He stopped. I think it was quite clear how funny I found it.
New voice decided it was funny, so did it too. I told him to stop. Later he did it again. I told him to stop. He laughed off his rudeness by joking he'd brought the conversation full circle.
Why didn't I tell him how I really felt? That he doesn't know me and actions like those to a basic stranger are rude, offensive, fucking shitty. Dammit. i am so pissed off.
I ached for his social insecurity and stupid people tricks
attempting inclusion through being the life of the party
i resemble something of his attention seeking
and hate that
am i pitiful?
Was i pitiful?
So I couldn't tell him.
that and the being a wimp part.
i can send food back, embarrassing all my friends
but i can't tell you, a stranger who I may never see again, that you made me feel bad
well, now the world knows, stupid insecure guy, that you suck.
thank you internet.
maybe someday i'll tell someone about this blog and then he'll really be sorry.
Afterthought - he just needs to listen more, relax more, look for social cues to follow, have respect for the world he has entered and let them grow to respect him through the experience of him, not through his own opinion of himself. arg. so he doesn't suck. he is just young and needs to learn. Oh, and to not be so obvious about only wanting to meet women. Every woman I know received his business card. I can't think of a man who did.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
tired...not rested...should i go to china?
sleepy but feeling better.
chiropractic visit this after-school evening which was very nice. we got to chat, which happens less as her business grows. i think i may be close to better soon.
so tired. but i swore i would write this every day so am awake for a little while with a purpose. oddly, i haven't told a soul about it yet. that's funny. who am i writing to?
Issue of the week: My cousin and his wife are currently living in china and i was thinking about going to visit next summer (joy of being a teacher = summer off)
Dad of course suggests that if i go i should come back by another route, thus going around the world.
would that be crazy?
it sounds so cool and exciting and freakin' fantastic
and like a huge mega-ton of planning
and kinda lonely
and oh my word the cost will be outrageous, (incredible, unbelievable....)
i am a very social loner, or a very independent social butterfly. i don't know if i'd be happy traveling alone for an entire summer. you can't very well travel with your new friends if you have to stay on your air itinerary the whole time.
i think i could save up enough for it.
i wonder if i should go? i have quite a few concerns. Every whatif ever whatifed has been singing in my ear. i mustdo a lot of research before making this decision.
By the way, i spent a semester abroad (spain), traveled to france (twice), england (once), drove cross the us (continental) alone, drove to alaska with a friend, only have 13 states left to visit before i'll have visited them all. so although this trip is an intimidating venture, that's not exactly the source of my ambivalence. It is harder to picture running off for fun like I used to, due to more formal obligations. I do think most of those are surmountable though. Perhaps the shear distance is causing me to worry this time.
someone once said that they were saving a particular trip for when they got married. well i used to save things for when i got married and then one day i realized i was sitting on my butt and my life was passing me by. i think though that this is one thing I could save to do with a partner. it seems a bit too much to take on on my own at this time. (stop making me feel like a loser, i've done a lot, haven't i?)
chiropractic visit this after-school evening which was very nice. we got to chat, which happens less as her business grows. i think i may be close to better soon.
so tired. but i swore i would write this every day so am awake for a little while with a purpose. oddly, i haven't told a soul about it yet. that's funny. who am i writing to?
Issue of the week: My cousin and his wife are currently living in china and i was thinking about going to visit next summer (joy of being a teacher = summer off)
Dad of course suggests that if i go i should come back by another route, thus going around the world.
would that be crazy?
it sounds so cool and exciting and freakin' fantastic
and like a huge mega-ton of planning
and kinda lonely
and oh my word the cost will be outrageous, (incredible, unbelievable....)
i am a very social loner, or a very independent social butterfly. i don't know if i'd be happy traveling alone for an entire summer. you can't very well travel with your new friends if you have to stay on your air itinerary the whole time.
i think i could save up enough for it.
i wonder if i should go? i have quite a few concerns. Every whatif ever whatifed has been singing in my ear. i mustdo a lot of research before making this decision.
By the way, i spent a semester abroad (spain), traveled to france (twice), england (once), drove cross the us (continental) alone, drove to alaska with a friend, only have 13 states left to visit before i'll have visited them all. so although this trip is an intimidating venture, that's not exactly the source of my ambivalence. It is harder to picture running off for fun like I used to, due to more formal obligations. I do think most of those are surmountable though. Perhaps the shear distance is causing me to worry this time.
someone once said that they were saving a particular trip for when they got married. well i used to save things for when i got married and then one day i realized i was sitting on my butt and my life was passing me by. i think though that this is one thing I could save to do with a partner. it seems a bit too much to take on on my own at this time. (stop making me feel like a loser, i've done a lot, haven't i?)
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
yesterday
is today. it is all the same.
no time, no time.
i have time, i just choose to spend it in not enough ways. (too many ways)
today - conferences at 2 schools, driving between them, translating and then running out the door to get to another one. then
racing to the car to drive to ctown to see Sting...STING. Live in concert right in front of me, not 12 feet away. oh Wow. What a great fun wonderful blast. We pretended we loved the first band, though I didn't. Sting's son's band opened - he didn't seem to sure of himself to me.
well, it's too late to write this but since it's officially ridiculously late in my head i don't care and it counts. duh.
no time, no time.
i have time, i just choose to spend it in not enough ways. (too many ways)
today - conferences at 2 schools, driving between them, translating and then running out the door to get to another one. then
racing to the car to drive to ctown to see Sting...STING. Live in concert right in front of me, not 12 feet away. oh Wow. What a great fun wonderful blast. We pretended we loved the first band, though I didn't. Sting's son's band opened - he didn't seem to sure of himself to me.
well, it's too late to write this but since it's officially ridiculously late in my head i don't care and it counts. duh.
Monday, November 5, 2007
new friends
i have been reading starhillgirl's blog and truly been enjoying the chance to hear her voice. I like this world where you can be close and still far away.
Well, thru her I discovered that it is blog month. I have been trying to get myself to write more recently and this seems like a good way to get it going. of course, it is too late to be truly an entire month (and i will never be in the same class as her and her ilk) but i think i should try to write a little.
i was planning on going to yoga tonight. i invited my friend from work. I'll call her Frindle (I like the code names). Anyway, she doesn't go out after dark (I am helping her change that!) so this yoga night was actually a kind of big deal.
Moments before she arrived at my house i got a call that my dear, flaky yoga teacher wasn't feeling like practicing tonight. Ug. I felt bad but we adapted. A short walk and then Wild Flour dinner. Besido (another code name!) arrived and off we set.
Frindle was nervous. She doesn't walk much in the city, particularly downtown. A lot of people around here really think downtown is dangerous. I guess, although Roanoke is small, it can be scary. It's actually an oddly urban environment with a lot of poverty. She did great though. I didn't make her walk through the park (though i was tempted). I am not a mean person. I just like to force myself through fears. That doesn't work for everyone though.
Anyway, we had called a good walk. Frindle and I talked to each other while Besido answered the ringing of absentee yoga teacher's call and let her know how much we like her class. Teacher was feeling angsty because she hasn't been practicing outside of our classes. I think Besido managed to let her know that we really enjoy what she does and really prefer Her to Not Her. She leads a wonderful class and we like what she does. Maybe we should just practice together and not call it a class and then she will feel better about it.
Arriving at the restaurant we sat and ordered our complicated water (no ice). Our new friend joined us (i can't come up with a code name yet. I will call her Letter A for now). We had a really nice time getting to know each other.
four women
one married with kids, 33
one single, 33
one married but separated, 34
one in a long-term relationship, 28
all happy and unhappy
all wondering
all lost and found
all not quite sure
all on there way
Letter A referred me to Chris' Rock's stand-up: married and boring vs single and lonely
It's not that black and white. We are all so different. We are all so interesting. I love it.
i wonder what the future will bring me
i wish i could still have the sense of permanence i had as a youngun before i knew better
but today, this night, was so perfect.
i like to think it will carry on.
but us humans with our personalities and our needs and our loves will move on (funny, i meant to say lives not loves but i think it works that way too)
i have a fortune i carry in my wallet
it's easy to make friends but difficult to keep them
i agree. and now i need to go to sleep. student teacher conferences and the police concert will tire me tomorrow!
Well, thru her I discovered that it is blog month. I have been trying to get myself to write more recently and this seems like a good way to get it going. of course, it is too late to be truly an entire month (and i will never be in the same class as her and her ilk) but i think i should try to write a little.
i was planning on going to yoga tonight. i invited my friend from work. I'll call her Frindle (I like the code names). Anyway, she doesn't go out after dark (I am helping her change that!) so this yoga night was actually a kind of big deal.
Moments before she arrived at my house i got a call that my dear, flaky yoga teacher wasn't feeling like practicing tonight. Ug. I felt bad but we adapted. A short walk and then Wild Flour dinner. Besido (another code name!) arrived and off we set.
Frindle was nervous. She doesn't walk much in the city, particularly downtown. A lot of people around here really think downtown is dangerous. I guess, although Roanoke is small, it can be scary. It's actually an oddly urban environment with a lot of poverty. She did great though. I didn't make her walk through the park (though i was tempted). I am not a mean person. I just like to force myself through fears. That doesn't work for everyone though.
Anyway, we had called a good walk. Frindle and I talked to each other while Besido answered the ringing of absentee yoga teacher's call and let her know how much we like her class. Teacher was feeling angsty because she hasn't been practicing outside of our classes. I think Besido managed to let her know that we really enjoy what she does and really prefer Her to Not Her. She leads a wonderful class and we like what she does. Maybe we should just practice together and not call it a class and then she will feel better about it.
Arriving at the restaurant we sat and ordered our complicated water (no ice). Our new friend joined us (i can't come up with a code name yet. I will call her Letter A for now). We had a really nice time getting to know each other.
four women
one married with kids, 33
one single, 33
one married but separated, 34
one in a long-term relationship, 28
all happy and unhappy
all wondering
all lost and found
all not quite sure
all on there way
Letter A referred me to Chris' Rock's stand-up: married and boring vs single and lonely
It's not that black and white. We are all so different. We are all so interesting. I love it.
i wonder what the future will bring me
i wish i could still have the sense of permanence i had as a youngun before i knew better
but today, this night, was so perfect.
i like to think it will carry on.
but us humans with our personalities and our needs and our loves will move on (funny, i meant to say lives not loves but i think it works that way too)
i have a fortune i carry in my wallet
it's easy to make friends but difficult to keep them
i agree. and now i need to go to sleep. student teacher conferences and the police concert will tire me tomorrow!
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