comments fyi to those who asked

if you want to comment and don't have an account, under the comment you write you'll see an image to type into the box. after doing that, scroll down - there is a place where you can choose "anonymous" - if you choose that, your comment can appear and you don't have to log in to anything.

Merry Christmas!

That's all. Thanks for being there you people who make my life full. My world wouldn't be as good a place without having known you.

What's better?

A question I am pondering: What's better: Stability or the unknown? Continuity or continuous change?

Next year, do I want to be able to walk to work from my house or to live and work in Valencia, Spain? I think I will apply to do both - but what if I got both jobs....which would I choose? There are strong arguments for both.

Yes, this is a personal question. Just thought I'd ask....

No election board to start an election year.

Go government. You people are so annoying. geeze. my cat just farted and it's because of things you do like this, you government weenies. I wish there was someone I could trust.

This is a response to this article (you might want to read it first):

As Primaries Begin, the FEC Will Shut Down
No Quorum on Election Board As Nominees Stall in Congress

By Matthew Mosk
Washington Post Staff Writer

Saturday, December 22, 2007; Page A01

I was annoyed that the politicians are playing chicken like this. The dems don't like the republican and the republican doesn't like the dems, or so they say. As you read through the article, it says if this doesn't get solved quickly, funds could be denied to the Edwards campaign.

So, this could be a problem created by dems who want a hilary or obama ticket. Or not. Great, thanks a lot leaders.

Also, this article was seriously edited and buried inside the Roanoke Times. It didn't even mention the Edwards campaign in that version. Perhaps they just didn't have the room. Or didn't care. Who knows. I couldn't even find the short version on their website. Thank you for existing, Washington Post.

So:
I can't trust the media.
I can't trust the politicians.
I can't trust the elections boards.

~makes you want to move to Spain or something~

Have a happy weekend!

instead of nagging i am blogging

so i found this job advertised online the other day and sent them an email. It sounds so nice - working in a preschool or kindergarten in spain. cool!

well, I sent them an email on Sunday and here it is Tuesday and I am dying to hear anything. It's highly likely the posting was a phishing scam seeking emails to bombard with "work abroad" spam. if you go on those boards at all, you'll see tons of that.

so far though, my junk email address has only received the normal amount of junk, so perhaps it was legit. I know they need time to read through all their emails and decide I am a good candidate, but i am still impatient. i know there is a lot of time but wouldn't it be neat if I could start working on working abroad? living abroad? i have this fantasy me who lives in spain and she wants to live. c'mon cool ad - be interesting and pay a living wage....

anyone know what DoS is? as in:
"...and will be looking for future DoS candidates as well."

(significance of color change? nope, none. I copied and pasted the sentence above and now this. sorry)

so i was about to write them to make sure my message wasn't lost or missing or overlooked and then i realized it has only been two days and i am being silly so instead i am writing here.

i don't know if i really want to move abroad next year, but i do know that i will live abroad someday. And currently I feel like i am sitting around getting old without being that happy about my life.

I am not too thrilled with what i am doing these days. If the administration were supportive, i think i would be ok but combining thankless work (and busy work and paper work) with some (not all, definitely NOT all) thankless people (and criticism without complement by people who don't seem to know what they are talking about) makes me crazy.

Perhaps I am too sensitive or too serious or too something but it will not last for me like this. I have gone down the road of working where i didn't really belong. It is not a good path to stay on. I need gainful employment, but I also need respect - for me, for individuality, for people. I want to pick a new direction, start working towards a new goal, not slowly fade into myself, trying to change myself in ways i cannot change, and ultimately feeling a failure.

Spain may not be my next step, but it's an idea. I need where i am now to be a building block on a path somewhere. If i don't have a reason to BE and something to be GETTING, i will not be able to suck it up and stay. Sorry, bottom line is, i guess, what's in it for me? What a horrible thing for a teacher to say. I am there for the kids. Right?

his first and most famous shot

he's getting soooo big....

the shopping season - or how i learned to stop procrastinating and have some fun

so this month is always a burden for me. my self gets so confused as i worry i am letting myself down as i act to make others happy for the holidays. i want to get the gifts for people that they want and need and like. i do NOT want to:

1) buy junk
2) give junk
3) support a non-local business with my money
4) give things to people that they don't need or want
5) give a gift that is not thoughtful
6) give a gift that creates work or problems (a puppy for example)
7) contribute to the consumer culture in which we live (but I HAVE to do this to make people I love or work with happy)

I must do some of these things that I do not agree with so fighting or dreading it does nothing but make the process harder. Due to my conflicted emotions, I went shopping without much of a plan - mostly just the sense of dread and stress. Luckily, I went with The Most Efficient Woman in the World.

The Most Efficient Woman in the World (i'll call her Tmewitw for short) has this uncanny ability to stick to her plan and timetable. I envy this ability. I do enjoy that freefalling way I go through my errands, but I find that I am taking longer and longer than I did in the past - and not wanting to go because of that.

Well, we walked into and out of one store and I realized instantly that I needed to deep breathe and make a plan. The fear that I will not give someone wonderful something wonderful paralyzed me for a bit. We talked and I wrote some ideas down and then we were off.

At the end of that day, I had almost everyone I wanted to buy for bought for - and plans for the rest. At the end of today I was done.

Guess what....?
All local businesses except 1 small purchase.
All quality things I know will be liked.
All appropriate and fitting for those who they are for - even the annoying work presents

I feel damn happy about it.

So thank you, tmewitw. Your ability to continue moving, keep your eyes on the prize, and encourage the momentum is a wonderful gift. And when you want to forget your schedule and sit in the park for 3 hours, wander junk stores in search of one random treat, or drive aimlessly on the parkway - I am your girl. I can help you channel that aimless energy when you feel you need to.

And I will channel you as I go forth into this next week with renewed vigor.

Thank you and happy merry chrismahanukwanzika

thank you onestar....

I always thought I could do anything if I only tried harder. Now I know it's true....

link to her blog

but here's a little summary:

The Secret to Raising Smart Kids

Hint: Don't tell your kids that they are. More than three decades of research shows that a focus on effort—not on intelligence or ability—is key to success in school and in life...

the article

tag accepted....

Put "likes to" with your name tacked on the front into your fave search engine and post what you like to do. Or don't like to do, as was the case for me.

B**** likes to be a squirrel. a leaping one.

B**** likes to write children's books and she likes to read

B**** likes to read books about Witches and Vampires

B**** likes to be restrained. I mean, really, really likes it.

she also likes to climb trees and go flying with her daddy

many thanks to caved for the bizarre time-wasting idea.

selling the market building?

where is a good investor when you need them!?

http://www.roanoke.com/news/wb/142227

this could be such a wonderful opportunity for the downtown community

or it could really hurt this town

what will it be?

oliver? you interested?

reverent agnostic

so i must be an intellectual simpleton. I just read The Year of Living Biblically: One Man's Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible, and I enjoyed it. A lot. According to the nyt review,

"Far from creating an overall sense of living by biblical law, this book moves skittishly from topic to topic and generally forgets an idea after Mr. Jacobs has briefly toyed with it. Although he’s a very facile writer and even a successfully glib one, he has managed to bring a kind of attention deficit disorder to the theological constructs that are trivialized here."

Perhaps it's my own undiagnosed ADD, but I found his exploration of religion very interesting. I was raised in a similarly secular environment, having both Jewish and non-Jewish relatives (recently I learned the non-jews are probably Episcopalians). Never celebrating a religious holiday. I'm sorry, xmas was not a religious holiday for me; it was an American holiday.

I never went to church. I have vague memories of chocolate bunnies in easter, attended a midnight mass in high school, a bar-mitzvah in middle school. Most of my religious experience is cultural - If it weren't, I wouldn't have gone. Recently I attended a babtism in a local Catholic Church - all in Spanish. I have no problem with a moment of silence in school - we should take time to savor things, but no one should dictate how I savor things, whether it is through prayer, meditation, or simply taking a little time-out before starting my day. A couple of years ago I started wondering if I needed some more spirituality in my life. Before moving out of my hometown, I went to a couple services at the Unitarian Church. I enjoyed my visits there, but didn't quite feel like I belonged. I moved away before exploring it more fully.

Recently I have been practicing yoga frequently.

I am not religious. I don't believe in god. (I feel a little odd typing that because it is so forbidden to be a nonbeliever. please don't smite me.) I just read something today about an atheist who changed and became a believer because he one day decided that things were just so damn complex there had to be a reason for it all. I see the point, but then think I am arrogant to believe any of this exists for a reason. Delusions of grandeur. Who knows. I am not going to figure it all out today.

Anyway, he states in the introduction that his subtle feeling was that all non-secularists choose which parts of the bible they think one should follow. As he tries to follow these rules, some for a day, some all the time, he exemplifies why this is true, and necessary. He proves how necessary it is to pick which parts to follow. For example, in one passage women are forbidden to speak in church. How could that possibly survive in today's society?

He learns about the good part of religion - the wonderful part - it must be fluid and evolve to survive. Archaic, literal interpretations are beautiful (and hopefully safe) but the reason the whole idea of religion in our society has survived is because we allow (it allows?) interpretation and changing with society's evolution. Proof that intellectual evolution exists?

After reading the book, I felt like I'd gone on a long journey with him. I wasn't ready for it to end. I read his thanks and notes at the back, all the book jacket reviews, some amazon reviews, and the nyt review.

In the introduction to the book he explains that he has been pondering his own lack of religion and wondering how he should present religion to the child he has, the children he will have. I have had this thought at times too. Not that I want to raise kids in a religious environment, but that I missed out on having a community outside of school and family. It might be nice to be part of a larger community than those. Especially when i was an unpopular child, a local network would have been nice.

Well, he has a few conversations and then a book idea comes to him. Try to live as "biblically" as possible for a year. It is not a "pure" book. He didn't have this experience and then decide to write about it later. It would probably be a better book, if that were the case. Though far less marketable. The quick joke for public consumption, stupid publicity photos and silliness however, are what attracted me. This is not a book for the seriously religious - it is a book for those who are curious or feel like they need a little more peace in their lives. It helps folks like me rule out some directions to travel - and opens up some others.

He did bridge a little gap between secular and nonsecular readers. The book-jacket comments are from scholars as well as pop media reviewers. And his story connects all of as as we search for our own sense of reverence in an irreverent world.

In the last chapter he uses the term "reverent agnostic" which I like very much. I truly don't feel a higher power out there, triggering the big bang, hoping us humans get it together. Why would we be the ultimate creation? How arrogant! But at the same time I don't have proof that this is not the case. Perhaps our god is the alien toddler and we are the ant farm. Who knows.

I had the idea this morning that perhaps the bible was just written by men who thought these would be good rules to live by, but no one will listen to us - let's say it came from someone bigger and more powerful who ultimately will judge you - then people will listen.

It's not a bad idea to bite your tongue when you feel like making a snarky comment. Or to obey the law (and not speed). Or to take a little time out and mentally or verbally give thanks for what you have. ok. Baba Ram Das. Be Here Now. Yes, I have this revelation every couple of years. Cheers to having it again!